Friday morning I decided to drive Studly’s car. My car was almost out of gas and the windshield was covered in lovebug guts, so it just made sense to put his car to use. Besides, I wanted to listen to Howard Stern, and my car doesn’t have Sirius/XM radio.
We still haven’t quite gotten our garage sorted out. One side is completely filled with four motorcycles, a riding lawn mower, a couple of large tool boxes, assorted crap, and more assorted crap. The other side houses my car. So both Studly’s personal car and his company car sit outside.
I had an early morning chiropractic appointment in Tallahassee, so the sun wasn’t up when I walked outside. The old saying about it always being darkest before the dawn popped into my head as I stepped into the humid Florida morning. The light emanating from the open garage door didn’t penetrate very far, so I clicked the car remote to provide a little more illumination. Darkness still prevailed.
My imagination instantly kicked into high gear, conjuring up all sorts of monsters lurking in the pitch black between the car and me: snakes, gators, wolves, bears, chainsaw wielding serial killers. I began inching forward, speaking in no-nonsense tones to anything with evil intentions, “You better not mess with me, whatever you are,” and, “I come in peace, please don’t eat me,” were among my choice words.
The passenger door was closest, so I went for it and threw my purse and work bag in the front seat. I considered just climbing over the center console, but I had on a skirt, and I looked kind of nice, so I decided to suck it up and walk around the front of the car. And right into a massive spider web.
The full blown spider dance was on. You know that dance–the one where you flap and slap, and stomp about, but no matter what you do the web continues clinging to your hair, your face, your hands. And you know, you just know that spider is doing it’s best to attack, bite, and possibly kill, the person who ruined its magnificent web. Even reliving the event now I imagine a family of spiders scrabbling around in my hair looking for a place to nest.
I battled through the web, but all the way to Tallahassee I wrestled with the probable presence of spiders, periodically slapping at my neck, and when I arrived at Dr. Verrier’s office I had him do an arachnid check. To his credit, he took my request seriously, but I have a feeling that service isn’t covered by my insurance. I am pleased to report no spiders were discovered. Nevertheless, I could still feel that spidey tingle.
I told Studly about my web encounter of the worst kind when he called from Pensacola that evening. “That’s what you get for driving my car,” he said. No sympathy, but I have to admit, spiders are a pretty good deterrent to future car borrowing.