The Dance of My People

Friday morning I decided to drive Studly’s car. My car was almost out of gas and the windshield was covered in lovebug guts, so it just made sense to put his car to use. Besides, I wanted to listen to Howard Stern, and my car doesn’t have Sirius/XM radio.

We still haven’t quite gotten our garage sorted out. One side is completely filled with four motorcycles, a riding lawn mower, a couple of large tool boxes, assorted crap, and more assorted crap. The other side houses my car. So both Studly’s personal car and his company car sit outside.

I had an early morning chiropractic appointment in Tallahassee, so the sun wasn’t up when I walked outside. The old saying about it always being darkest before the dawn popped into my head as I stepped into the humid Florida morning. The light emanating from the open garage door didn’t penetrate very far, so I clicked the car remote to provide a little more illumination. Darkness still prevailed.

My imagination instantly kicked into high gear, conjuring up all sorts of monsters lurking in the pitch black between the car and me: snakes, gators, wolves, bears, chainsaw wielding serial killers. I began inching forward, speaking in no-nonsense tones to anything with evil intentions, “You better not mess with me, whatever you are,” and, “I come in peace, please don’t eat me,” were among my choice words.

The passenger door was closest, so I went for it and threw my purse and work bag in the front seat. I considered just climbing over the center console, but I had on a skirt, and I looked kind of nice, so I decided to suck it up and walk around the front of the car. And right into a massive spider web.

The full blown spider dance was on. You know that dance–the one where you flap and slap, and stomp about, but no matter what you do the web continues clinging to your hair, your face, your hands. And you know, you just know that spider is doing it’s best to attack, bite, and possibly kill, the person who ruined its magnificent web. Even reliving the event now I imagine a family of spiders scrabbling around in my hair looking for a place to nest.

I battled through the web, but all the way to Tallahassee I wrestled with the probable presence of spiders, periodically slapping at my neck, and when I arrived at Dr. Verrier’s office I had him do an arachnid check. To his credit, he took my request seriously, but I have a feeling that service isn’t covered by my insurance. I am pleased to report no spiders were discovered. Nevertheless, I could still feel that spidey tingle.

I told Studly about my web encounter of the worst kind when he called from Pensacola that evening. “That’s what you get for driving my car,” he said. No sympathy, but I have to admit, spiders are a pretty good deterrent to future car borrowing.

Peace, People!

Author: nananoyz

I'm a semi-retired crazy person with one husband and two cats.

10 thoughts on “The Dance of My People”

  1. Oh, I know well that dance. I had a similar incident but with an actual spider on my person. I had thrown my underwear on the floor in gay abandon the night before – On retrieving it absentmindedly next morning, I felt something on my hand and wiggled my fingers to try to get rid of whatever it was. Upon inspection, I noted a large (read huge) huntsman spider in my hand, horrors!! I did the only thing one does under the circumstances and flicked my hand hard to rid myself of the beast. It was no longer in my hand but where was it, I had no idea. I checked myself in the mirror and there it was perched high on my shoulder. By this time I was emitting a strange high pitched scream in the back of my throat and my two cats were watching with interest my every move. I didn’t dare move too fast in case it ran into my hair, but I was beginning to panic badly. There was nothing for it but to flick it off my shoulder, I moved to the open door and did so. Then I had to make myself a nice cup of tea and ring my husband at work, tears of relief. Funny thing I don’t hate spiders at all, I guess I don’t like them on me.

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  2. I can’t stand them. And our last house was quite old, like it had been rented out till 1924 and some trying to be smart lawyer had said it was built in 1912. In fact it was built before then. Anyway the spiders there were like fists. They must have been like ancient. Also the garden and back yard were overrun with them and they scuttled about. I spent a lot of time standing on chairs. Once I brought the ironing board out and as I was standing ironing I thought, what is that tickling the back of my hand? need I say? SO boy are you right re at thing of then feel them crawling on you for hours after.

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    1. Ick! Last fall and winter I kept getting bitten on the ankles and feet by spiders. I couldn’t figure out when because I’m not an outdoorsy type. Shehanne, the buggers were in my bed! I now spray peppermint oil on my sheets every night. Keeps them away!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jesus H… Look, I may climb mountains but that does not make me an outdoorsy type. I mean after I have hung from my rock and that I go back to the hotel and have a bed to sleep in, If I thought for one second there was spider in it I’d jump from the friggin mountain summit. You are looking at the woman, who after the bag of logs was brought in one Christmas Day and this Jack the giant crawled out it, had every piece of furniture, curtain, cushion, coal, removed, till we got it, despite the houseload of folks, I mean, I could not have held Christmas Day there wondering when that thing was gonna join me in charades.

        Liked by 1 person

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