Binge watch “Criminal Minds” when one’s spouse is out of town.
Eat a double helping of refried beans before bedtime.
Text while driving.
Text while drunk.
Make small talk with crazy people.
Return to the scene of a crime.
Investigate things that go bump in the night.
Look when someone tells you not to look.
Take a sedative after eating prunes.
Spit into the wind.
Spit, period, unless the dental hygienist tells you to.
Pass gas in an elevator.
Piss off a grandmother.
Forget that all babies are beautiful in their Momma’s eyes.
Cut one’s own bangs with cuticle scissors.
Get a fit of the giggles at a funeral.
Wear hole-y underwear.
Praying for Eyebrowz 