I’m not gonna lie. I looked really cute Saturday afternoon. I was dressed in black leggings and a gorgeous red tunic my daughter sent me. I paired them with my tall black Frye boots and a black and white scarf. I was turning heads, baby. Strutting my stuff.
To celebrate my beauty, Studly Doright took me to see a matinee showing of The Revenant. I settled into my reclining seat with a 24 oz. Sam Adams Cold Snap and a smuggled-in box of Jelly Belly jelly beans. Life was good.
About fifteen minutes into the movie, after the deadly surprise attack on Leonardo DiCaprio’s camp, but before a protective mama bear basically makes him her afternoon snack, I reached up to adjust my stylish scarf. Something was poking me.
This is what my fingers came away with:
Little pieces of brown paper excelsior.
I admit I was puzzled. I couldn’t recall having played in a pile of excelsior that morning. My pre-movie meal hadn’t had any paper in it. Faced with a mystery I put the evidence in my purse and pondered on it throughout the entire grisly movie.
DiCaprio sliced open and climbed inside of a horse to keep from freezing to death; I thought about excelsior. He chopped off a guy’s fingers, I thought about excelsior. It really made the movie palatable, that brown, scratchy paper I’d pulled from within the voluminous folds of my scarf.
As soon as the film was over I showed the pieces of paper to Studly.
“What do you make of this?” I demanded.
“Hell, I just thought you were moulting,” he said.
No wonder I was turning heads. With any luck I started a new fashion trend.
Peace, people.
Praying for Eyebrowz 