$&@?!

Yesterday afternoon I set about making hotel reservations for our trip to Illinois for our eldest grandson’s high school graduation in June. Due to Studly Doright’s frequent travel for business we’ve accumulated a rather hefty number of points for hotels in the Holiday Inn chain. Usually, exchanging those points for a hotel stay is a relatively easy task. Yesterday was not one of those times.

For some reason the Holiday Inn reservations link on their website wasn’t working, so I called their helpline. The conversation went something like this:

Them: (after a ten minute hold time) Hello. How may I help you today.

Me: I need to reserve a room at the Holiday Inn Express in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults for the following dates… (I’m not sharing the dates here because I don’t want everyone to know we’ll be out of town.) and I’d like to use our IHG reward points to pay for the room,

Them: Yes ma’am. You do know you could use our website to conduct this transaction.

Me: Yes, I do; however, the link wasn’t working so here I am.

Them: Do you have your account number?

Me: I do. (I read it to her)

Them: Please hold while I check for availability.

Me: (humming along with the Muzak)

Them: Okay, ma’am the Holiday Inn Express in Montgomery, Alabama, is fully booked that weekend, but we could book you into another of our properties there.

Me: Alabama? I need a room in Le Claire, Iowa.

Them: Oh, please hold while I check for availability.

Me: (grumbling to myself)

Them: Okay, it looks as if there is a king room for $156 per night.

Me: Remember, I want to use my points to pay for the room.

Them: Well, you can’t. You could redeem your points to reserve a room with two queen beds, but not a king.

Me: Did you check my account to see the number of points we have in our account?

Them: Do you have your account number handy?

Me: Yes. I read it to you earlier, but I’ll do it again.

Them: Please hold while I check your account.

Me: Why, of course.

Them: Are you David Noles?

Me: (facepalm) No. My husband is David Noyes. The account is his, but I’m making reservations for the two of us.

Them: I’m sorry. You can’t do that.

Me: I’ve done it countless times.

Them: Sorry.

Me: May I talk to a supervisor?

Them: Well. (Pause). I’m going to have to put you on hold…

Me: I’m fine with that.

Them: Well, okay.

Me: (banging my head against the wall)

Supervisor: Hello, how may I help you, Mrs. Noyes?

Me: (sigh) I need to reserve a king non-smoking room at the Holiday Inn Express in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults for the following dates in June and I’d like to use our IHG reward points to pay for the room,

Supervisor: Your account number, please?

Me: 555555555555 (not really, but I’m not giving you all my account number)

Supervisor: Thank you. We’ve reserved a king room in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults on the following dates. You’re reserving with reward points. Is there anything else I could assist you with this afternoon?

Me: I could use a couple of Advil…

Supervisor: Pardon me?

Me: Never mind.

Supervisor: Thank you for choosing Holiday Inn.

Me: Okey doke.

Seriously, I think I lost 10 years off my life. But, all’s well that ends well, right??

Peace, people!