Does your mouth sometimes work independently of your brain? Afterwards do you wish you could crawl into a hole and emerge only after everyone who heard you say what you said was stricken with total forgetfulness of your faux pas, a sort of word specific amnesia?
If you haven’t already deduced that I uttered one of the stupidest phrases ever then you will now.
Yesterday I took a good friend who, along with her husband, had spent the last couple of days with us at Doright Manor, to lunch at my favorite vegan place in Tallahassee. She is not vegan, but was willing to sample what I’d been talking about. Now, this friend is one of the nicest, sweetest, most considerate people in the world. Maybe in the entire universe. I can only aspire to be as kind as she is.
We stood at the counter to order and she proffered her credit card at the same time I did. She and her husband had bought our dinner the night before and there was no way I was allowing her to pay for her own lunch. So I physically blocked her, and to my ever lasting horror said, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”
Satan!? Had I completely lost my mind? My friend, and the clerk at the counter looked shocked, and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
Now, the only thing I have to offer in my defense is that I’m reading a sci-fi novel about satanic possession in space. Oh, and that one of the regular specials at the vegan place is “Hail Seitan!* Although, it wasn’t on the menu yesterday.
I apologized, even as my friend laughed it off. But holy cow, I’m thinking of having a surgical procedure called a tongue-ectomy. I’m not sure it exists, but it should.
Have you ever done anything remotely as awful? Please tell me you have. I need to believe I’m not the only one. Heck, make something up if you need to.
(*Seitan, made from wheat gluten, mimics the taste and texture of meat.)
Praying for Eyebrowz 
Yes. Yesterday. 😔
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Oh dear! Maybe there was something in the air yesterday!
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All. The. Time. Most recently Saturday night. Sometimes I think I should just spend my time with cats.
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I should probably join a convent that requires a vow of silence.
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Hahaha! That would work for me, too. But, on second thought too many memories of nuns for 12 years of school. Mother Norberta… scary! See I could be sliding into dangerous territory now.
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I’m not Catholic, so they probably wouldn’t take me.
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Ha ha ha! I’m sure that is what others love about you. And yes, I’ve done the same.
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I’m pretty sure no one was thinking fondly of me when I said it!
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Yeah…I get it…..
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Hahaha!!
I’m sure we’ve all done something equally as awful more than once 🙂
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Apparently I got off to an early start at age two, telling a toddler playmate, “Get off the floor, you little jackass.”
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Laughing here… and I need it this morning!
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Glad to be of service!
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All the time and BTW I don’t think what you said WAS that bad COS you said it with the absolutest of purest motives. But hey, that’s just me.
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Part of me wonders if I said it because the word “Satan” had more immediate impact than anything else I might’ve said; although, “Woman” would’ve been a smarter choice. Not that I can remember choosing—I just blurted it out!
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We are aye smart after the event. Me? I would have made a better joke of being called Satan than woman x
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That’s why you’re my friend.
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You crack me up!!! Yes, I have done this many times! That “ut oh” moment when your brain simultaneously realizes what your mouth is doing, but it is too late to stop it.
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It was an immediate shock that I’d said what I did. I felt like a complete idiot.
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I am sorry, but I can’t help laughing while I read this…and yes I do the same dumb shit too
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Thank you!
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😁
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That is kind of the norm for me. I would have laughed my butt off if you’d said that to me, but my sense of humor is a bit twisted.
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Mine is, too, but my friend’s isn’t. Not sure she’ll ever look at me in quite the same way!
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Amazing !!
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A counselling client once asked me to change an appointment – in agreeing to do so I used the phrase “a moveable feast”. She was rightly offended to think I might regard her troubles as “a feast”
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Oh! I doubt that would’ve offended me, but then I use phrases like “Get thee behind me, Satan.” Sheesh. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the embarrassment.
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🙂
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I’m lolling reading this just now! 😂😂😂😂😂
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A few weeks ago we were picking my youngest up from art class an hour after school. I saw one of her friends walking towards us and I could tell she was getting lectured by her mom. They got closer to us and in my mind, I kept thinking “dontsayitdontsayit…imgonnasayit”. And I go, “Oh, Dani your mom is so mean!” 😂😂😂 Then I start internally kicking myself when the joke didn’t land. And I said, “I’m just kidding, all parents are mean”. And her mom goes, “THE GOOD ONES ARE!”
I *facepalmed* myself for three days and three nights.
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Oh! I can so relate! Thank you.
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