Women are from Earth; Men are from Uranus

Studly Doright fell into a deep sleep as soon as the lights went off in Doright Manor last night. In contrast I watched the minutes, then hours, tick by on my Fitbit, practiced coordinating my deep breathing skills with the rise and fall of his snores, and not only counted sheep, but also organized them according to height, weight, and quality of fleece. It was a long night.

Twice during the night I felt the call of nature. Being a considerate woman even in a state of severe sleep deprivation, I carefully slid out from under the covers, making the most minute movements imaginable. With the stealth of a cat I moved through our bedroom and down the hall to access one of the guest bathrooms in order to allow dearest Studly to slumber in peace, undisturbed by the sound of a flushing toilet or running water.

Returning to bed after both trips to the loo I gently eased myself onto the mattress and matched my movements to his snores, pulling the blankets up to my chin in increments of a half millimeter per second. Studly never stirred.

At some point I slept. I know this because I was awakened rudely by Studly who abruptly sat up with a loud grumble-snort-sigh combo, followed by an inelegant roll out of bed, and topped off with a vicious tug of the covers. Granted he couldn’t have known that I struggled with sleeping last night, but geez Louise, he could’ve shown a little respect for the near dead.

I fumed as he showered and readied himself for the day ahead. As Studly noisily fumbled about for his keys and wallet I leaned across his side of the bed to kiss him goodbye. 

Sweetly I asked, “Honey, did I steal the covers last night?”

“I don’t think so,” he said, sounding genuinely puzzled. 

“Then why did you jerk them like a magician pulling the old tablecloth trick?”

“I dunno. Maybe I was looking for a rabbit?”

His humor just barely saved him this time. Grrrrr.

Peace, people.

Author: nananoyz

I'm a semi-retired crazy person with one husband and two cats.

15 thoughts on “Women are from Earth; Men are from Uranus”

  1. My hubs does this crap all the time. I’m a night owl who’s quiet as a mouse and he’s a morning person that whistles like a canary before the sun even rises! He even makes his side of the bed WHILE I’M STILL IN IT! I can’t complain though. I knew before I married him that he was one of THOSE people. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mine comes up long after I’ve been to nod, he pokes; in the gentlest of ways, a finger between my ribs. ‘Goodnight Pooh’ he says… supposedly to make me smile. Cos you do at 3 in the morning when you get up at 5! Yep they are from Yer Anus. 😇

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been going to work early the last few weeks as we are on summer hours. So I’m up at 5 for a shower. This is about 4 hours earlier than I like. I notice that every time I turn on the light, my wife has an audible squeal each morning. Day one I was surprised, but by today I laughed a little. I said “You squeal every morning when I turn the light on”. I only got back a couple of grumbles.

    Liked by 1 person

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